After nearly fifty years in the same house, we’ve been slowly trying to downsize. We have one married son, but they live out of state with nine-year-old Kate. And they’re not into family items just because they’re family items.
There are boxes of books sitting around, ready to be hauled off to Many Hands. The ones I’ve saved for Dan to share with Kate, I’ve checked with them first. Well, they’re not interested in the Little House books. Nor most of the others. They already had paperbacks of the Narnia books.
Even artwork that Dan did as a kid and the map of Narnia. He asks Kate if she’d interested. What’s fun is that she’s said yes to most of those! His sixth grade watercolor of ears of corn made its way to her bedroom wall, over the Super Nova quilt her father designed on graph paper as a child.
I’m hoping they will accept and enjoy Great Grandmother’s dishes from 1939 with a winsome family story. And the small poppy plate that belonged to the woman who came to Iowa with her family in two wagons in 1855, at the same age that Kate is now.
Don’t die early.
Wait until your children are old enough to appreciate it, and then leave them everything.
Recently I read a book called They Left Us Everything: A Memoir. “After almost twenty years of caring for elderly parents—first for their senile father, and then for their cantankerous ninety-three-year-old mother—author Plum Johnson and her three younger brothers experience conflicted feelings of grief and relief when their mother, the surviving parent, dies. Now they must empty and sell the beloved family home, which hasn’t been de-cluttered in more than half a century. Twenty-three rooms bulge with history, antiques, and oxygen tanks. ” As they sort through all the belongings, daughter Plum reminisces so it becomes a memoir.
She had the luxury to live in the large family home for several months, coming to terms with her parents’ stormy relationship after they had died, and especially with her difficult mother. The author’s advice? “Don’t die early. Wait until your children are old enough to appreciate it, and then leave them everything.”
The Sentimental Decorator
Then I ran onto Brittany Shepard on Instagram. This Sentimental Decorator recommends keeping the things you like and enjoying them every day. We used to do this, especially for holidays and family gatherings. I enjoyed using Great Grandmother’s dishes when Mom was still here, and I’d have her retell the story of shopping in Omaha’s Brandeis bargain basement with her grandmother to pick out new dishes.
Because of Brittany, last week I added this little Nine Patch quilt to my bed, a quilt hand stitched by my Great Grandmother Laura and hand quilted decades later by her oldest great granddaughter.
But octogenarians think about downsizing, among other things. What do you think?
I just try not to think about it! Good grief!!! Where to start!!!!
Maybe, Vero, you’ll just adopt one of these new ways of approaching it!
My husband and I (age 70) are facing the same thing.
And with your daughter living so far away, Liz.
Yes. The only thing motivating me is that it would be very selfish of me to do nothing and leave her to deal with it.
I think that’s what these two women suggest! How about half and half?
At the very least, I can organize and label everything.
Ah, labels. I’m also trying to keep stories with those that have them, just in case. . .
Yes, the stories, too!
We only have one child, and we’re trying to be considerate, but it’s hard.
Same here, and Dan lives in the Twin Cities, just four hours away. But his wife and daughter are very specific about what they like (and will put up with).
Save some of the stuff as they may want it later. I do think it’s kind to sort out things before you go, instead of the kids having to do it. Before I moved to Spain I gave away a lot of my stuff. I was surprised that my kids and grandkids wanted many of the things. My daughter, who doesn’t have time to read, wanted my books. Now when I visit her, I also get to vist my books!
You’ve done it right, I think, Darlene. And you get to visit your books!
I can foresee our kids hiring a dumpster and ditching everything! “Why did Dad hang onto this stuff?!”
I’m afraid of the dumpster decision as well, Dennis!
So many of my family have given me the things that they could not part with. It’s just me and my wife. No kids. One nephew. Only 2 first-cousins and only one of them has children. So, I am looking for folks who can love my treasures or who can use them. If they are special, I do try to keep them alive around me. Mom died 3 years ago and my stepdad moved into an apartment and shared anything we wanted with us. My dad and stepmom have an apartment and cleaned out when they moved. But there is still a lot of stuff. And stories. And maybe no one to hear the stories.
Scott, have you told any of the stories? I mean in writing? When our son expressed an interest in an old advertising crock from an ancestor’s grocery, I made sure the story of the immigrant ancestor went with it. I AM writing the stories in case they might make a difference in how the object is connected with (or not). But when you’re the family “keeper of things,” it’s hard. Having a website helps because, with the quilts, a picture of each quilt is with its story (who made it, when, etc.). Well, you’ve sure got things to think about, huh!
I’ve put a number of them on my own blog at https://wrenacres.com but nowhere near all of them. I am hoping to retire in a year or so to free up a lot more time. Working just gets in the way!
Scott, I used to follow your Wrenacres blog and it says I’m still subscribed. Hmm, I haven’t been getting them. Be sure to add a section for heirloom stories! Well, when you retire.
Joy, we are going to have to move into a much smaller home in a retirement village within a few months. The down-sizing is a nightmare as two children live abroad and one is very far away from where we live. We have to get rid of things – which I am doing – but it is a slow and rather painful process.
Anne, we’re both pretty much disabled so we’re keeping mind a move like you’re facing. It sure makes for hard choices, doesn’t it?
We are in our 60s and are in the midst of downsizing this year. Our two basement foundation cracks that were discovered this spring prompted the basement downsizing in order to clear out space for the repairmen. We are storing our two children’s belongings who are not in a position to take those things yet… plus all of the items we’ve inherited from hubby’s family and my family.
It’s A LOT.
The quilt you’ve pictured is so pretty and colorful. And the ears of corn picture is wonderful! Your son must be very artistic.
I really enjoy your stories. 😃
Wow, that does sound like a lot! I hope the foundation got fixed before winter arrives. Kelly, that artistic son became a CPA. Go figure.
The two quilts just took my breath away. Simply beautiful! The periwinkle one, though? Thinking of quilting that one gave me chest pain! I have a double wedding ring that I’ve had since God was a boy and an ever-growing box of scraps I’ve saved over the years, but haven’t had the courage to start a new one. I reckon when I’m gone to my “happy hunting ground” it’ll be up to Zeek to decide who gets it. That’ll make me grin like a possum eating persimmons!
You mean you made the Double Wedding Ring quilt? With those curves and tight corners? I’m impressed! Grandma Ruby made them, and I helped with another woman’s DWR, but never tackled one of my own. Possum eating persimmons, huh. . .
We married late and have no children, so it’s easier. We’ve already downsized once, and discovered that our nieces and nephews weren’t interested in our stuff. Good dishes that were wedding presents, along with silverplated cutlery and glasses that were also wedding presents, remain in the china cupboard. My mother’s and mother-in-law’s knickknacks have a cupboard of their own. Again, nobody wants them. Maybe after we die, or have to move into assisted living, one of the great-nieces, or their parents, might see monetary value in some of it. They’re all established in their homes, and all of them are real minimalists. The younger girls never knew their great-grandparents and I’m not really sure that they’ll care.
When we had an auction after my mother died, we learned that noone wanted her pretty dishes and china cabinet. She’d be so disappointed! I kept the dishes that carry a family story, but I’m the one who has saved the stories! The stories is really what’s made them “valuable.” That’s life, isn’t it, Gail!
Unfortunately, my mother’s things don’t come with much of a story. After she came to Canada 🇨🇦, all of her family records were destroyed at some point during WWII. There’s lots of historical material on Doug’s side, but no-one really seems interested. I guess we go the auction route, which is what’s specified in our wills. After they all get to go through again
It sure puts things in perspective, doesn’t it.
I volunteer with a group that assists seniors as they try to remain in their homes and remain safe doing so. I’ve seen lots of situations where downsizing and decluttering would be very helpful. But, there are obstacles to progress as noted in many comments.
I am very fortunate to be married to a woman who doesn’t keep much in the house. I wonder if I will be donated away someday. She says not to worry about it.
Good to be married to a woman who reminds you not to worry about it, Jim! My sewing table (a white six-drawer desk picked up somewhere) is heading to Many Hands just now. No neighbors even want it for their kids.
The quilt is beautiful! You cannot keep everything, but it is nice to keep the things you actually use and enjoy. We have four children and I have begun passing on many things already…Christmas items, etc. We have lived in the same house for almost thirty-five years, and it is easy to collect stuff. I am glad I saved things because the children and grandchildren do like some of it!!! I gave my granddaughter all of my Nancy Drew books from my own childhood. When my mother passed away, we divided much of her things between her grandchildren…tea sets, art work, all kinds of items. It seems that with age, our children remember these family things fondly and want to use it in their own homes.
It would help to have four kids and some grandchildren who might eventually be interested. Thank you, Nancy. I love it that your granddaughter got your Nancy Drew books!
As an octogenarian I can say we downsized all along the way . As s result things are rather ship shape now.
What I’ve seen of your place does look ship shape, John. Well done! It sure hasn’t helped to live here this long and to have a full basement, plus Guy’s garage and tool shed. No reason to get rid of anything until you begin to think you might have to move someplace with more help (and less yardwork).
Your great grandmother’s quilt held up well-it does not look old! I commiserate with you, Joy. I’m still storing some of my children’s stuff. They have so much stuff that they don’t want our stuff. 🙂
Nancy, it was only a folded up top when I got it, and had never been used, so that’s why it looks so good. Well, I’m going to use it, for a while anyway. Nancy, you’re right about storing children’s things. I wonder how much of Dan’s is still here.
We are in our 80s and have lived in this house for 52 years so first we need a dumpster…
I think that’s what our kids might do as well, Bob. I’ll bet yours at least keep your wife’s beautiful quilts!
We moved from a house we lived in for 37 years and had stuff galore. I wrote 3-4 several posts about it. Here is the first one” https://marianbeaman.com/2016/05/25/mouse-moves-house-and-so-do-we/
We have no regrets and love our one-story home even though my book shelves were reduced by 2/3. One of our grandchildren wants a few pieces, but the others don’t. Clearing out my aunt’s house was the job of the century: https://marianbeaman.com/2017/06/21/3-women-dumpster/
JOY, I send so many links because many of our experiences are parallel. (I can send fewer, or none at all, if you wish.)
Oh, Marian, I love your links! My sewing table went to Many Hands today, but they didn’t want our son’s old law books at all. Alas, most of my books are gone, but so many of them were for researching WWII since I had to start at rock bottom!
I recently read “They Left Us Everything” as well. As good read. We to are trying to downsize. In the past several years we have inherited things from our parents. I try to pay attention to what my kids might need and offer up anything that we might have before they go out and buy new. Tools, household furnishings and appliances. I even recently cleaned out my closet and gave my daughters some of my “vintage” clothing. Even better than shopping at a thrift store. 🙂
Thank you, Ruth. I hope they appreciated your vintage clothing!
I don’t know if I’ll downsize. Our home isn’t large, and we recently got a 700 s.f. condo. I could sort of see living there, maybe. My dad, who’s 90, intends to stay where he is, in a house stuffed to the gills that my brother and I will have to deal with. Gee, thanks! (No, this is not family heirloom stuff, either.)
Eilene, it looks like you’ll have enough to deal with at your dad’s.
Oh yes, Joy, as we age, we consider downsizing. We have stayed in the place we own to have the extra bedrooms for when kids visit with the grandkids. Do what is best for you.
Amen.
We’ve moved many times, including recently, so we did some sorting and eliminating over the years. Still, I love the family pieces we inherited and enjoy them daily. There are some boxes of pictures and paper that I do feel I need to sort through. I love that you’ve written down the stories of your family treasures, Joy! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank so much, Lori. We’ve been here nearly 50 years, and my mother and her mother lived in their homes for decades as well. So much got funneled here because we had room for it and sure enjoyed sifting through everything!
I have moved quite a few times, and each time, it was necessary to get rid of a lot. There are some things that I won’t give up, photos and such. But I have found that a lot of stuff is just that — stuff. Stuff that is not missed as much as expected.
Yes, the photos. Thank you, Diana.
Man, we are right in the thick of this very issue…..Both my parents house, and now ours as well. I have “stuff” overload. I am fried emotionally. We built a new home on the same property that we’ve been living since 1995.. have spent the better part of last month trying to downsize/ declutter/ organize/ pitch and then finally just shove what’s still in the old house into boxes, totes etc. before the excavator comes to demolish. I am willing to let the remainder burn with the house. I don’t care if it has “some” financial value. Mom’s house was not too hard.(it was hard enough, but with 4 of us kids, all of us with all of the stuff we want in our respective homes, a lot of it wound up in a dumpster. I did take one load of stuff to the Tiny House (they sell it and the proceeds go to various non-proffits) Mom and dad moved to town in 2018 from the farm that they’d lived for almost 50 years so we did make quite a dent in their stuff that go-around. There are probably a dozen boxes that have been stashed in our storage room for 30 years, (emotional stuff that someone didn’t want to part with or deal with @ the time) anyway, this post really resonates with me. DM
Oh my, Doug, you’re in the thick of it! We learned that the only things worth an auction were old things like gas cans and the like, not the pretty dishes and glassware! Our son is an only and lives four hours away. They don’t want either! I’m just making sure they know the emotional stories behind things before they bulldoze anything. (My sewing table just went to the local Many Hands last week.)